I sat down at the table assigned to me as the test-lady gave out the exam booklets. I sat Vladimir, who was still grumbling that silly goose, on the floor by my feet. The lady was discussing the rules; no cheating, no cell phones, no talking, so on and so on. I didn’t pay much attention, because rules or no rules, I was going to win this exam, and prove myself to be the best! I knew this was true because I believed in myself, and with Vladimir’s support, nothing could stop me!

I smiled at the test lady when she dropped my package onto the table in front of me, and she crinkled her nose. I guess she smelled Vladimir, who hadn’t taken a shower that day. He never used enough shampoo in any case, so sometimes his hair smelled kinda funny, even after bathing!

“You may now begin.” the lady said. I opened up the booklet, and started working. The test was harder than I had thought! It involved a lot (made sure to add the space again!) of math and tricky reading stuff, but I did my best. I filled in all the answers by myself, without even Vladimir helping! I was not the first to finish, a blonde gentleman who sat in front of me was, but I was not that far behind him!

I turned my test into the lady (that is, I handed it to her. I didn’t cast a magic on the test to turn it into a lady, even I’m not that creative!) and she crinkled her nose again! This time I think she was just being mean, so I didn’t smile as hard this time.

“You can come pick up your results in one hour.” the lady said, her nose still are crinkle like.

“Yes ma’am! I’ll be sure to do just that!” I said, upping my smile a bit. She nodded, looking kind of annoyed.

So I picked up Mr. Bucket from under the table, put my coat on (should have done it the other way around, it’s hard to put on a coat while carrying a bucket without spilling any of the puke!), gathered up my stuff, and headed for the door.

So I decided since I told you guys about how me and Mr. Bucket met, I thought I’d tell you about our first big adventure! It’s kind of a long story, but the ending pays it all off!

So a few days after we met, Vladimir and I were walking to a job application I had put in before my friend kicked me out of the apartment. See, what I had to do was take a written exam on selling techniques, something I knew that I excelled at. I had taken courses when I went to school on it, not to mention the various ‘Ace Any Exam!’ leaflets that I had read over the years. I was set and ready to kick this tests bottom!

“You’re gonna f***ing fail you s***less c*** wrapped c***stain.” Vladimir joked as I enterred the imposing building. It was really tall, like eight stories or more, and covered in windows looking into offices of what looked like very important people. I was somewhat nervous, so Vladimir’s joking really helped calm me down.

“Thanks, Mr. Bucket. That really means a lot to me!” I said, making sure to put the space between a and lot. It always bothers me when people make that mistake, how about you?

Vladimir was silent for a second. “Are you being f***ing sarcastic you t***?” he asked, his voice growly from the chunks floating in him. I laughed.

“Of course not, Vladimir! We’ve only been best friends for a few days now, but I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me!”

“Okay, now I know you’re f***ing with me.” he grumbled.

“Oh, Vladimir you card!” I laughed again. He was turning from a bucket of puke to a bucket of laughs!

So with that, we entered the building, and I was ready to take my first exam since I flunked out of university!

Hi, my name is Jeremy Push and I grew up in Victoria BC and now I live in a box with my friend, Vladimir. He’s a bucket someone puked in that I found a few years ago and we’ve been the best of friends since. We don’t share many interests, I like to paint, water-ski, go exploring, talk to strangers, meet new people (I guess those two are linked), and just have a great time, while he’s a bucket.

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